MADreads

Manners for (British) men

March 23rd, 2009 Dennis - Central

What caught my eye was the section titled “All your fault.”  It began with “There are certain things a man should never do or say.  They’re not deal breakers, but no good can ever come of…” and then comes a list of boorish behavior from men directed towards women.  Comments on what women eat, whether it’s their time of the month, forgetting their friends names, etc.  Turn the page and there was a complementary section titled “All our fault” asking if we’ve noticed her wrinkles, asking if we find that woman over there attractive, expecting the man to know why she is upset, etc.  She knows she’s just picking a fight but she’s doing it anyway.

Okay then.

The book is called Debrett’s Manners for Men : What Women Really Want by E. Jane Dickson.  Debrett’s, according to this article in Wikipedia, “is considered by many to be the last word on traditional British etiquette,” which sort of explains the references to dress codes for royal ceremonies and balls and sporting events like polo, Royal Ascot, the Henley Regatta, and rugby/cricket/football (i.e. soccer) for when the couple is out and about.

Really, the book is a guide for how men should treat women, from first meeting, through casual dating, meeting the friends, then family, then moving in together and finally popping the question.  And it all sounds reasonable when you get past the cultural differences.  As the author lays it out quite plainly in the early essay titled “What women want” a gentleman’s main aim is to increase his companion’s comfort.  An interesting “for instance” was the proverbial bar fight.  Rather than mixing it up with some jerk, the gentleman’s duty is to make every effort to get the lady to safety, rather than “defend her honor.”  Or is it his honor?  At any rate, increase his companion’s comfort– at least until he realizes that this particular companion isn’t worth the effort any more.  Also included is a section on breaking up that will let him do this in a gentlemanly manner.

Truthfully, this book isn’t for everybody.  And parts of it are for practically no one (Polo match? Me? Not in this lifetime).  It’s lavishly illustrated with well-dressed and attractive (younger) adults (whose faces never seem to appear in the book) and the accompanying illustrations suggest some degree of wealth and material comfort.  The book as a whole is well-arranged with short textual instructions for numerous situations which progress along nicely toward the nuptials.  And the advice really is quite good (if a bit obvious) although the text is on the skimpy side, with the illustrative matter taking up a majority of most pages.  Nicely done, of course, just more book than is necessary to impart the information.

As I mentioned, there is a piece early on titled “Calling it a day” that includes a well-known fib which you can use to gracefully exit a relationship.  Allow me to demonstrate:

“It’s not this book, it’s me– but let’s stay friends.”

Debrett’s has also published a book of advice for women called Debrett’s Etiquette for Girls (sic).  You can find that here.

Entry Filed under: Nonfiction